


Hold My Hand

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean knows he has a problem, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Functional alcoholic Dean, Gentle Dean, Hunter Mary, Love Confessions, M/M, Mary Lives, Mary Ships It, Mild Angst, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 23:23:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8346838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: With everything happening to Dean since Chuck and Amara left, he reaches out for comfort. A small gesture brings Dean to the realization that he never wants to let go of the hand he's holding.





	

Dean was hesitant to bring out the booze until his mother was the one to ask for something stronger than a beer. There were so many pieces of him he couldn’t bring himself to share with her, one of which the fact he’d long accepted he was a functional alcoholic. He got the bottle of tequila from the pantry and Sam grabbed a couple lemons. Cas fetched the salt. They’d done slammers around the kitchen table on quite a few occasions.

Mary went shot for shot with the boys up until about the fifth. She stopped and gauged the effect on the men around her. None of them looked even tipsy. Hunters. World weary. Hard. She may as well have been at her father’s table. She slapped her hand on the table for another round. She wondered if her sons had caught on that she was looking for their tells.

“Damn, Mom. I didn’t know you could hold your liquor like that!” Dean raised his shot to her. He was a little more relaxed.

Sam called his limit at shot six. He was the sensible one. He usually didn’t push his limit unless it was an occasion. He could have fun within set boundaries. He was likely the strategist. Cas was completely unaffected by the booze. His tolerance was through the roof but that was most likely because his grace rapidly repaired brain and liver cells. He followed along, tried to fit in. He wasn’t entirely an angel. He had spent enough time with her boys to be one of them.

But Dean...he showed no signs of stopping. He was disappointed in Sam for leaving the party. Cas watched with a stern look at every shot like he knew Dean had a problem. Dean was a wild card. Balls to the wall. He was their berserker. He was smart, skilled, and a natural leader as well. He fought with more heart than mind, though.

Cas stood and turned his shot glass over. “Perhaps we should call it a night.” He smiled at Mary and thinned his lips when he looked at Dean. Mary watched as Dean’s shoulders slumped. They were masters of nonverbal communication. Some hunting pairs hadn’t accomplished that after a generation together. She suspected there was something more to their relationship and that they were playing it close to the vest because of her.

“That’s a good idea, Castiel. I’d prefer to enjoy the smell of breakfast in the morning.” She gave a half hug to Dean and a touch to Cas’ shoulder.

“‘Night, Mom,” Dean called after her. He screwed the cap back on what was left of the tequila and gathered the shot glasses to rinse in the sink. Cas quietly helped. When Dean didn’t leave the kitchen, Cas took it to mean they were going to talk. He pulled out the chair he’d previously occupied and sat back down.

“You wish to speak to me, Dean?”

“Yeah, yeah. I um...I know I have a problem, okay? I know you’re trying to watch out for me but you called me out in front of her, man.”

“I believe I was being subtle. It was not my intent.”

“She’s a hunter, Cas. I knew what she was doing. I’ve done it a million times. She was reading us. Get a couple drinks in us so we let our guard down. I don’t think Sammy saw it but he’s just blissed out to have her back. If she thinks I’m a drunk she won’t trust my judgement or my ability to protect her.”

“I doubt she thinks that.” Cas reached across the table for Dean’s hand and the hunter gave it. Cas thumbed over it. “She’s your mother. She loves you.”

Dean looked away. “She loves the four-year-old kid she tucked into bed thirty-three years ago and never saw again. She barely knows me. I mean, she knows I love my brother and that I’ve been hunting since I could load rock salt rounds. I haven’t even told her about-”

“About everything you’ve gone through? Don’t you think she can handle it? You survived heaven, hell, purgatory, the void, the fairies...you’ve been on more planes of existence than I have. You’ve saved the world time and time again. You’re a hero, Dean.”

The hunter smiled. “You have a biased opinion.”

Cas smiled back. Dean had reached for his hand across the seat of the Impala on the drive to Missouri. They laced their fingers together and after Mary was soundly asleep in the other bed, Cas had lain beside Dean, once again holding hands until he heard Mary stir. They hadn’t spoken aloud their intentions with one another but that one gesture spoke volumes to him. Dean cared for him. Dean sought his comfort and affection.

“Perhaps you're right. You  _ are _ my favorite human.”

“You're my favorite angel,” Dean quickly replied. He looked up at the clock. “You wanna go watch TV or something? I'm still a little wired.”

Cas nodded and let go of Dean's hand so they could get up. Dean captured it back in the hall. He hadn't had to ask Cas if it was cool with him or anything. Maybe that's as far as they’d get. Just some mild affection like hand holding and hugs. Dean could barely be sure of what he wanted, let alone what Cas wanted.

It had been months since they had done this. They propped up a little on Dean's pillows, side by by side, and Dean cued up Netflix on his Xbox. He found a new show for them to check out and let it roll. They made it through two episodes before Dean dozed off holding Cas’ hand and resting his head on his shoulder.

Cas muted the television and turned off the lamp. He used a little mojo to change them into flannel pajama pants and loose tees. He put his arm around Dean and pulled a quilt over them. He didn't require sleep but he enjoyed the cuddling, the knowing Dean was at peace.

***

“Dean, do you mind if-oh,” Mary stopped in his doorway. They door had been left open a crack so she assumed it was safe to enter. She found her son lying half on top the angel, under the covers. Castiel had his arms around Dean.

Mary backed away, a nervous smile on her lips. She knew Dean was holding a lot back from her. She knew he was closer to the angel that he let on.  _ Can they do that?  _ What were the consequences of sleeping with an angel? She started to coffee in an urn old enough to have been her father’s. At least she knew how to use it.

Sam followed the aroma and stumbled in to grab a cup. He sobered quickly at the sight of his mother, his cloudy mind still not adjusted to her being alive. He sat across from her and sipped enough to get his brain functional. “Sleep okay?”

“I think so. Between exhaustion and tequila I pretty much crashed. You?”

“Same.”

“Dean apparently had no trouble last night.” Mary smirked at Sam. He tensed a little.

“Well, Dean can drink everybody but Cas under the table. He probably finished off the bottle and passed out.” Sam said rather harshly. Maybe he could get his mother to back him up for an intervention. Cas had to be healing his liver on a regular basis to stave off cirrhosis.

“Poor Castiel, then. Dean probably didn’t make it past second base.”

Sam’s eyes widened. His mother just said...well she  _ implied _ that Dean and Cas had...or maybe  _ tried to _ …”Oh, god. I can’t have this conversation.”

“You don’t have to hide it from me. I don’t care that your brother’s gay. I’m a little concerned that his boyfriend is an angel. I mean that kind of breaks the sin barrier, doesn’t it?”

Sam took a few deep breaths to process what he’d just heard. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dean’s not gay. And Chuck actually doesn’t care about sexual orientation at all. What makes you think they’re together?”

“So your ‘not gay’ brother is ‘not gay’ cuddling Castiel under the covers in his bed? Go take a look if you don’t believe me.” She looked smug behind her coffee cup. Sam scoffed, thinking he was being punked, but padded down the hall toward Dean’s room.

He gently nudged the door open enough to peek in.  _ I’ll be damned. _ Dean and Cas were in the same position Mary had seen them in. Either Dean was really drunk last night or his mother was right. He’d teased his brother for years about Cas and his crushes on male celebrities. Now he kind of felt like an ass if Dean really was repressed or bi or something. He retreated when he saw Dean stir.

“Well?” Mary asked when he returned.

“That definitely looked like cuddling.”

She gave her son a smile filled with gloat.

***

Dean grumbled a little as he slowly came to. The first thing he noticed was being warm. The second thing was how painfully full his bladder was. He blinked his eyes open to see that he wasn’t alone. Cas was still holding him and apparently had powered down for the night as well. He ran his hand over Cas’ chest to gently wake him.

“Hey. Gotta get up.” Dean whispered. He looked around for the clock and saw that they’d slept in. That meant Sam and their mother were probably already up and would notice they spent the night together. “Come on, angel. Time to do the walk of shame.”

“We didn’t have sex and we’re not wearing the same clothes. I fail to see how it is the walk of shame.” Cas’ already low voice sounded like pure sex first thing in the morning. When he lifted his head the bed hair was also impossibly sexy. Dean was in the fast lane toward morning wood.

“They’ll still think we did.”

“Does it matter?”

Dean thought about it. He wanted Cas. He wanted to  _ be _ with Cas. That meant being open with his family. He hoped it wasn’t too much for his mother but Cas was right. She’s his mom. She’ll have to accept it along with everything else he had to eventually tell her. Nothing could be as shocking as coming back from the dead after thirty odd years.

“Nah. May as well put it out there.”

Cas let Dean out of his grasp. “Are we a couple, Dean?”

“Like telling my mom you’re my boyfriend?” Dean stood up and shuffled into his dead guy slippers. “I got no problem with that. Do you?”

“Of course not, Dean. I didn’t expect you to be as open about this. You are usually reserved when it comes to personal matters.”

Dean let a frustrated grunt. He still needed to hit the head. “Cas, I ain’t hiding us. If we’re doing this, being together, we’re all in. Now, I gotta pee and brush the tequila taste out of my mouth. See you in the kitchen. I’ll make you cinammon toast.”

Cas pushed the blankets away and looked at his clothing. He supposed it was acceptable. He’d seen Sam and Dean lounge around in PJs when they needed an ‘off’ day. Today seemed like a good ‘off’ day. He grabbed a pair of socks from Dean’s drawer and walked toward the kitchen with his head up. He was Dean’s chosen companion. He had no reason to be embarrassed for spending the night with his boyfriend.

“Good morning, Cas.” Sam greeted him. He briefly made eye contact and tried to smile. He was trying to act normal and failing miserably. He hoped Cas didn’t notice.

“Good morning, Sam. Mary.” Cas grabbed two mugs and poured coffee for himself and Dean. Mary gave him a bright smile and patted the seat next to her for him to sit. He took the seat and waited for Dean.

Dean managed to strut in like he didn’t have a care in the world. He walked over to Cas to claim his coffee. “Thanks, babe,” he said. He gave him a peck on the cheek and continued to the fridge for some butter and half a loaf of bread. “Anybody else want cinnamon toast?” He shrugged at the silence and went about setting up by the stove.

Sam looked at his mother and mouthed, “Babe?” She leveled her eyes at him. She was right. “So, Dean...you’re in a good mood this morning.”

“That I am, Sammy. Mom’s back, you’re safe from Monty Psycho, and I am no longer Lebanon’s most eligible bachelor.” He returned to his cooking duties.

“You’re off the market? No more unattached drifter Christmas? No more Ladies’ Night?”

“That is correct, Samuel.”

Sam rolled his eyes. Dean would continue to be flippant with him unless he was direct. “How long have you and Cas been an item?”

Dean looked up and mouthed something. “Two days, give or take. Ain’t that right, babe?”

Cas looked up from his intense stare at his empty mug. “If I’m to assume I am the ‘babe’ you are referring to then yes, Dean and I have decided to pursue a romantic relationship.”

“You...you hooked up right before you came to get me?” Sam was a little pissed.

Dean plated his and Cas’ breakfast and turned off the gas burner. “We didn’t ‘hook up’, okay? I punked out and didn’t tell him before the Amara thing and then the minute I knew my ass was out of the fire I was gonna tell him. Then mom was back and you were taken and I reached across the seat to hold his hand and I knew I didn’t want to let it go.”

“Wait, you weren’t already together? I thought you were all walking on eggshells because of me.” Mary interjected. “I told Sam I didn’t care if you were gay.”

“I’m not gay! I’m not into just any guy. It’s Cas. Just Cas.”

“Oh come on. You crush on more male celebrities and fictional characters-”

Dean cut Sam off. “There's a big difference between thinking somebody's hot and wanting to bone them. Or are you forgetting your obsession with Arrow and Stephen Amell? You wanna ride that show pony or is he just attractive?”

Sam's face flushed and he ground his jaw. “Whatever.” He sighed and looked over at Cas. “Sorry. I'm happy for you. Really. It's one thing to joke about Destiel and now it's happening.”

Mary made one of Sam's bitchfaces. “Destiel?”

“We worked a case at this all girls’ high school and found out there's this fan fiction relationship label,” Dean started. “Um...there’s also a series of books about us. They were written by Chuck and some fangirls write stories of their own. Some of them are...disturbing.”

“Wait, God wrote books about you? Like gospels?”

“Yep.” Sam and Dean answered in unison. They avoided eye contact and shuddered at the memory of the word ‘wincest.’

“I don't recommend reading them, Mary. They don't do justice to the heroic acts of your sons. And they can be quite...graphic in some areas.” Cas sneered at that. He was entitled to a bit of jealousy now that he and Dean were together.

Mary gave a curt nod in agreement then made a mental note to see if she could use Dean's tiny computer to find them anyway. She could handle a few sex scenes. They were probably filler to keep the readers interested.

“Look, I'm not some delicate flower. I know you boys are giving me the Reader’s Digest version and that's not going to cut it. I don't care if if takes all week, I want to know everything. And a mother knows when her kids are lying.”

***

“I’d say I need a drink but I doubt that’s gonna be strong enough to deal with telling my mother I almost killed my brother and boyfriend.” Dean flopped face first onto his bed. Cas sat on the edge of it and lightly stroked his back.

“I’d say she took it rather well.”

“Cas, just because she didn’t cry in front of us doesn’t mean she took it well.”

“But now she knows. It was difficult for all of us to relive the lowest points in our lives. We’ve been to some very dark places, on our own and together. It had to happen, Mary or not.”

Dean rolled over and sat up. “I know. It’s a new beginning for us. All of us.” He took Cas’ hands in his. “We got something most couples don’t have, babe. Hell, you know me on a molecular level. All our cards are on the table, for better or worse.”

“I have another confession. Something I wasn’t comfortable expressing in front of Sam and Mary.”

“We said no secrets.”

“It’s not...it’s personal. I only need to tell you. I  _ want _ to tell you. I...I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. I didn’t understand them until I fell. I realized that I fell in love with you before I fell from grace.”

“Cas, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.”

“When I was with April, physically, I was only able to finish because I closed my eyes and imagined you. That is what I couldn't say in front of them.” He kept his gaze at their joined hands.

“You thought of me? Your first time?” Dean's tone was tender. He lifted one hand to cradle Cas’ jaw. “You wanna tell me? You know, so when we do...I want it to be everything you want. Something special.” He smiled at Cas.

Cas fought back tears, happy tears. He’d wanted this for so long, to be the one Dean chose to be with, hear such sweetness in Dean’s voice and to see a softness in his eyes usually reserved for Sam. “Have you ever thought of me? Something I can do for you?”

Dean pulled Cas up into his lap and just held him close, nestling his head into Cas’ shoulder. They hadn’t even kissed yet and Cas wanted him to share his fantasies. There had been a few recurring ones but could he actually say that out loud? If he could tell his mother about his time in hell he could tell his boyfriend,  _ can’t help loving that word _ , a few of the tamer things and work from there.

“For one, I have looked at your beautiful lips a thousand times and wondered how they would feel against mine. I’ve wanted to taste you, breathe you in. Wanted to feel your hot breath on my ear when you whisper my name. And this spot right here? Right where you feel my breath on your neck? I want to suck and bite and leave my mark on you so everyone can see that you’re mine.”

A stifled cry came from Cas. He closed his eyes pictured everything Dean described. “Do it,” he growled.

He gasped at the warm, wet mouth on his neck. Hairs bristled under Dean's touch and he clutched tight to Dean's shirt. He felt teeth scrape his skin and his body shuddered. Cas could feel heat pooling low in his stomach and his arousal swell. “Dean,” he drawled. The hunter pulled back to face him.

They just stared, breathing hard and watching each other’s reflections in lust blown pupils. They were nose to nose, so close. Just a fraction of space now between thinly parted lips. They came together softly, tentatively. Small pecks at first, taking turns capturing each other’s bottom lips, then hands behind necks and unleashed passion.

Cas moaned into it. He’d wanted this for so long and it was happening. Dean was kissing him and holding him, wanting him back. He may have forgotten to breathe a couple times before the kisses broke.

“How’m I doing so far, babe? Living up to the dream?” Dean smiled at him and tenderly stroked his hair.

“Even better.”

“I told you mine so you tell me yours.”

“Dean-”

“You got nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Cas buried his face in Dean’s shoulder. He felt ridiculous. “I don’t know exactly what I want. I have very limited experience. I mostly think of the kissing and maybe some...touching. I’ve never been with a man. I know it doesn’t work the same as with a woman…”

“Cas, baby, I’ve never been with a guy either but I think we’ll get it all figured out.” Dean dropped his arms to wrap low on Cas’ back. He could tell Cas was turned on from their makeout session and was probably nervous about what to do about it.

“Do you love me?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean swallowed hard. “Of course I do, angel. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“You never said it before.”

“Hey, look at me. I know I suck at telling people how I feel. It’s hard for me. But I do, I  _ do _ love you.”

Cas blushed a little. He felt a little light-headed. His human emotions were at the forefront of his being. His heart fluttered in his chest and his voice tremored, “Do you wish to  _ make love _ to me?”

Dean’s eyes rolled back in his head and he knew right where those words in that voice were going. “More than you know.”

“I-I want you to. Please.” Cas was pleading. Part of him wanted Dean to take him before he could change his mind, decide he couldn't be with him.  _ Just one night. If I live for another millenia, let me have one night with him. _

“I want to, baby, I do. I’m scared. I don't want to do something to hurt you.” Dean kissed him softly. “Let's just take this slow, okay?”

Cas nodded and dipped his head for another kiss. This time Dean's hands went up under the tshirt he’d been wearing and he felt the rough tips of mechanic’s fingers glide over his hot skin. Dean's tongue slipped past his lips and he felt a slight coolness as his shirt was raised, exposing his chest and stomach. They broke away long enough for that first article of clothing to be shed.

Dean took his time admiring Cas’ upper body. His fingers danced over the sensitive purple bruise he’d sucked onto Cas’ neck. He traced the sharp outline of Cas’ collarbone first with his hands and then with feather light kisses. He shifted them so he could lay Cas back on the bed.

He quickly pulled his own shirt off and tossed it to the floor. He positioned himself above Cas, between his legs, and pressed their bare skin together. He shivered with chills at Cas’ touch from the divot of his lower back up his spine. This man knew every inch, every nerve of his body. Every touch was electric.

Dean found himself rocking his hips and grinding down on his angel. The little bit of friction felt good and it gave him an idea. “Would you feel okay with us ditching the pants?”

Cas smiled and hooked a finger into the waistband of Dean's pajama pants. He pulled them down slightly, exposing a patch of trimmed reddish blond hair. Dean sucked in his breath. He helped Cas to slide them down and he kicked them away. Cas wet his lips with his tongue at the sight of Dean nude and kneeling over him.

Dean kissed down Cas’ chest, stopping just below his navel. He looked up again to make sure he still had Cas’ consent to keep going. Cas lifted his hips so Dean could spring him free. Blue plaid flannel joined green on the floor beside the bed.

“You’re so beautiful, Cas,” Dean whispered. He was in awe of the man before him. He was toned and muscular without looking too cut. The lines of his body were sleek and begging to be caressed. His penis was hard and veiny. Just a bit of cum was coating the slit and it twitched to smack hard on Cas’ stomach.  _ He could be a porn star, _ Dean thought to himself.

Dean eased his weight back down on Cas, carefully slotting their members against each other. He started to rock again, this time feeling the drag of another hot, hard cock with every pass. He felt Cas start to work with him and heard the moans of pleasure he was causing.

Their kisses became sloppier as they touched and groped, finding a decent rhythm. Dean balanced on one arm and lifted off of Cas just enough to slip his hand between them. He smeared the precum from both of them with his thumb to coat their throbbing heads. He pulled his hand out lick his palm then gripped them together in his fist.

Cas loved this new sensation. He'd been in a constant state of arousal since Dean had sucked his mark of claim. The friction and the rutting had felt wonderful but this, knowing he caused Dean to be in a similar state, that the sight of his naked form made Dean desire him even more...he was near bliss.

“This feels s-so good, Dean. I might be close.” Cas had experienced orgasms before. They were usually the result of dreaming about Dean but they were nothing compared to the real build up. He looked up at Dean with heavy-lidded eyes and just whimpered as he neared climax.

Dean was close as well. He’d been trying to keep from coming too soon because he loved the way Cas looked at him. He loved every sound Cas made  _ for him. _ He was bringing pleasure to someone who loved and trusted him completely.

“Let yourself go, Cas. I got you. I got you, baby. Wanna come with you.” He captured Cas’ lips one more time before feeling something hot and wet on his hand. His hips stuttered through his own orgasm and he shot cum all over Cas’ stomach. They both bucked a little until Dean dropped their spent dicks and looked for something to clean them up with. Cas pressed two fingers to his head instead.

“Thanks,” he said as he lowered himself fully again. He exchanged a few more lazy kisses with Cas before moving off to the side and pulling his boyfriend up to face him. “You okay?” Dean stroked the side of his face.

“Yes. I enjoyed that very much. I didn’t know there were  _ other _ ways for us to make love.”

“I still want to, you know, someday.”

“I do too. But we can do this and anything else you think to try. I’m just happy that it's you. I always wanted it to be you.”

“Well, I'm glad I get to experience this with you. I'm just sorry I wasn't sure about what I wanted sooner.”

Cas gave him a chaste kiss. “I never thought this day would come, that you would feel the same for me as I feel for you. Now is much sooner than never.”

Dean sighed and grinned. “I suppose you're right about that.” He nuzzled their noses against each other. “So now what, angel?”

“You need sleep.”

“You gonna stay here and watch over me?”

“Always, Dean.”


End file.
